Gateway to Nevada

   So, yes, here i am in Utah, staying with me Mum for a while. She seems to be feeling pretty good, for which i am grateful, she is going to try the Pain Mangement Clinic before jumpimg right into surgery, i think that's a good idea.

   i am glad i can be here for her, even if it is just to help out with little things (loading and unloading the dishwasher, going to the store, doing some cleaning,errands, etc), she seems to really appreciate it. Besides, i think she really likes having someone here to "hang out with " at times, just to chat and that kind of thing. So that's all good.

  Something that truly baffles me is that several people really seem to want to get together with me and i just don't get it...honestly, i am being absolutely serious here. If i was me, i wouldn't want to do stuff with me. Go figure. i don't understand it, i just don't. i guess i should just be grateful, yes?

 This morning i woke up crying, thinking about whay an absolute failure i am/have been, especially to Chris and Sam. Thinking how the best thing i have  e v e r been to Sam is a bad example, a warning of what NOT to be. The crying spells lasted later into the day as i wondered why anyone would want to spend time with me. i anm not writing this for sympathy, it is what is in my heart.

   On another subject, i eem to be able to comment on at least some of your blogs..."knock wood"....which is great.

    Take care my loves....you are my life line.....

    Oh, the song...from an great sad and finally a happy ending movie "Latter Days"...i adore the song

Awwww, You All Are So Great!

     i wanted to apologize for my last, stupid and yes, drunken post and thank everyone who took the time to reply. i must remember the saying that "Friends don't let friends blog drunk".     Think i will follow through?  Time willl tell.

    In just over a week, i will be going to Utah to stay with my mom for a couple of months. Both computers out there have some sort of sh$#ty problem that prevents me from replying to your blogs, so i will try to reply here. Thus, if you don't hear from me, i am not ignoring you, honest.

   Other than that, i am pretty certian hub is angry with me, i probably picked a fight whilst drinking and said mean things, can we say "there is a problem here?".  i am such a worthless being, he deserves soooooo much better, i really, really feel sorry for him, being stuck with an idiot like me, i really do.   i will try to talk to him tonight...but i don't think it will do any good. Can't believe i am tellling you all this evil, dark side of me. i guess i needed confession. Too bad i'm a lapsed Catholic!

  Annnnnnd, i am FATTER than i have been in years....wanna know how fat?  Of course you don't.  Just know i disgust myself in more ways than one.  i love this song...it's my song!  At least these girls are PRETTY!

          Well, take care, Loves,
                     tracy

"Funny When People Hear your'e Dead, They Listen...."

   i have heard that song on the radio the last few times i have worked out  ........ if you can call it that, compared to what other people do........

    But i'll never die while i'..............................so i give you this...one of my favoritotes  (sp?)   As Alwayas...i can't spelll...and i am FAT HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  Yeah i am depressed !  Is she falling to her death.........?      Or is she cowering under the covers......?

 like i?       i hear the rain outside....it would be lovely if it wound't  destroy house..   :(

   Edit   i fixed it a little.  Now i am embarrassed by this post, but will leave it up as punishment.....thanks for the sweet remarks....