Richmond to Salt Lake...that was fast!

     So, by the miracle of computers, Sam finished classes early and i am off to Salt Lake a full two weeks before i thought i would be...i am really glad i will have this time with my Dad and Mom...but to be honest, i am scared. i know, i am super selfish thinking this way, but...it is the truth.....Mom must really want me out there badly, as the ticket was...k'ching!  Maybe once i get there, things will settle down to a routine....Ugh, i am HORRIBLE!!!!!  None of this is coming out right!!!

   i believe Hubby is happy to be rid of me for a while...as soon as he found out Sam was done with class, he was on the phone to Mom, saying "When do you want her"?  He says i am not happy here anyway (not true!), so it is just as well i go away. Sob.....

  i'm an Half-Caste....at home no where...belonging no where....then there's the Church thing...don't even want to think about that, let alone write about it.......

                                          (No, this song is NOT about hubby or son ...i think it's about...me.)

             Love to you All,
                      tracy

The Wheels on the Bus

    So, a few of days ago, i not so nicely (that means, meanly) said to hubby that maybe he should take Sam to school on Monday morning.....        (Hubby is on Spring Break)....so Monday morning i got up to take Sam and Chris said, "Oh, I am taking him, you made that v e r y clear".  i felt soooo bad...yes, so i did something to me.  Anyhow, this morning, i got up and ready, with the full intention of taking Sam to class and again, Chris said he will be taking him....sigh.  Guess who needs to keep her stupid, huge mouth SHUT???   i guess this is hubby's way of making me "eat crow"...is that the saying i am looking for...?    i dunno. All i know is i feel awful about this situation that i so "cleverly" created. i am such a dumb *$s.

      i wish i could write here the things i am so upset about, the things that worry me so much lately...besides the obvious (weight, money.......).  Like how my dad is literally wasting away and i feel so bad and helpless and how can i help him and my mom and i live in this constant state of fear.....that kind of thing. Oh, i guess i kind of just did.  Sorry.

       Downer of a post.      Hope you all are doing well.       Love you.

".....I'm Nothing.......I'm Nowhere...."

      Traces of vomit still in my hair. (Should have tied it back, Stupid!). Fat, oh so fat.  And scared, always this terrible, grip of panic inside. And the guilt, oh the guilt.  i can't go on living this way. i won't.  Something has to change. Every day ..."I fake, a laugh, a smile.."    And so...another day.

                                                                                                         * Titile from one of my very favorite movies.

i Know It's Thursday, However, It's "Tuesday, 3:00 Am"

     Lovely song from a sweet movie.

         

       Today hasn't started out very well. Found out i was overdrawn at the bank...shock and a tearfest....Crap!

               Gotta go try and fix things....again and again...always trying to fix things and never suceeding.....

                            Love to you all.......

      

i Dunno...Just Cause...and Stinky Toe! Video warning...PG-13~! :)

    Hee, he was the best character on the show.  Funny, cute.

         Get to take Sam in to the Dr. today.  Yesterday he casually mentions..."I think there might be something wrong with my toe. He shows it to me. Oh, yeah...all red and infected!  Ouch! ( Tried and tried to find a funny vid to go anong with that...no luck!)  Sam actually doen't mind Medical procedures...is there an MD in his furure?

     Well, i spent too much time looking....time to go....
                Loves!

      

         

...Oh, Hi

    Haven't felt like posting lately, not sure why. i guess because i think whatever i write will just sound negative and down and i don't want that.  Things here are rather status quo.   Sam has been sick with a bad cold and has missed classes for the past week and a half. He has been doing homework, though, so i'm pretty sure he will be returning on Monday...i hope!

   Hubby is tired, as per usual, that's what happens when one works two jobs and doesn't sleep well. i feel so sad for him.  He did however get his Praxis Test results back...188 out of 200...my smart man!  :)  A note at the bottom mentioned he was going to be the recipient of a "Major Award"...we were hoping for a "Leg Lamp" we could proudly display in the front window, however, it turned out to be merely a certifcate..."suitable for framing".   DARN!   i wanted that "fra-gee-lay" ("It must be Italian")  Lamp...

  Decided not to mention anything about weight unless it's good news.  Leave it to  "12 Stepper" to drag me back to reality. Sigh.

              Love you All!