i'm, so all alone...and apparantly, no one can post on the blog....

i am an half-caste....everyone in the Mormon Church is being so nice to me....but they don't know the real me...at the same time, they don't know how much it hurts when someone asks me "When will your son be going on a mission"? A what? Obviously these well meaning prople don't know these "Apostates" very well.

i cried more today that since i got here. i want to talk to Pastor Todd. Maybe He would understand.

"You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply...."

  Well, as per usual. i am at a loss for words. Yet i want desperatly to write.....

  Getting Dad up in the morning and putting him to bed at night...what a "role reversal"..and at the same time...what a privelidge,to do what he did for me, for so many years...it is really hard to write about it...i just don't have the abiliy that you all do, to put it all down in to coherent sentences.

  Sorry, i just don't know how to explain it all.........

  Just...thank you for being there..i love you all.

  PS  Both the stupid computers here won't let me comment on your blogs  GAH!!!!!!  i am look for a solution!  i am soooooo sorry!
     Loves to you all!

"Where were you when we were getting high?"

  Heh, i love that line from a song which the title of i cannot remember. Any takers?  (That first sentence makes no sense whatsoever!)

    Dad having okay times and not so good ones. i am so glad to be right where i should be and want to be.

    Big Sis, her husband and 19 year old son are here for a few days. it is so good to have more people in the house, i will miss them alot when they go in a few days.  Rarely see "The Kid". i do believe he spends most of his time on video line (okay, i have no clue what it's called!) with The Girl,who lives in Las Vegas,  chatting and studying Scripture...it is almost too cute. :s  Last Sunday we had a houseful for supper. It was delishiously fun. Along with Sis's fam, her oldest daughter, her husband and almost one year old adorable baby were here. The baby ("Corb") is a riot, known as the "entertainment" for the evening. i had to be very careful, as i am not used to having a little one "underfoot".  He is quite the explorer and even managed to undo the hinge on one of the cupboards. (Quite the muscleman you have there, Shauna!) It was pretty hilarious.

   Yes, throughout all this i have managed to obsess over food and weight...were you expecting any less?  (Wish i could BE less!  Yar, yar.)

           Hope you are all well and having the happies,
                    the t-girl

And Make me One of Them...Another Diversion

  i think Israeli's must be the most beautiful people on earth.

Because...He Is Truly A Hero

  Thank you all for the lovely comments you left me on the last post. You truly touched my heart and it ment so much. Loves.

   Here is a message from another hero of mine.

      Thanks for watching. It is a cause close to my heart.

            xoxo,
              tracy

Saturday, Afternoon

   There are times during the day i find myself "wandering" through the silent house, at a loss for something to do. The dishwasher is still running, no clothes to fold...nothing really to clean at the moment. Dad is asleep, Mom on errands.

  i tell myself i can do this. i tell myself to be brave. Stop being such an emotional mess. You are needed. "Get a backbone" my Mom-in-Law told me before i left Virginia.  i think she was taking about something else, but still...

 Then there are the other  times. When i take hold of my Dad's upper arm to help him stand up and feel how skinny he has become. When i help Mom get him to bed and see how small he is...when Mom cries in my arms...when we cry together. 

             i love you, Dad.

Protect You, Protect Me

i just wish i could keep everybody from harm. Sad how that just isn't possible.

So Damn Hard...

Hey, Hi from Utah....Wish i had good news....

Daddy is getting weaker day by day..it is so sad...Mom is trying to be strong....but, well, you can imagine how it is for her.....and i, well, i feel so useless...as usual. What can i do, but to try to comfort and to be there for both Mom and Dad...? i just don't know.....what else is new......?

i am so sorry to be such a downer...i miss your blogs and will return soon!

Thank you all for being there !

lOVES!

There Is No End To My Dumb

   So....first faux pax of the trip...well,first major one anyhow....

  Bit of a background...my nephew, Jared, is having his Mormon mission farwell here in my parents ward (a ward, is about 400 people, families, single folks), in June.  He will speak, along with  High council member (an Upper Member of the Church's Leadership).  The Bishop (Leader of a ward) of my folk's ward stopped by to say Hello to Dad and Mom, see how Dad wad doing and mentioned maybe Dad may want to say a few words at said farewell....

 Forward to today. i was doing some errands with Dad. Driving. Said to him, with all due respect, that i really liked his Bishop, that he is super nice, however, i was kind of upset that he would think to ask Dad to speak at the farewell...wouldn't that be Jared's dad's place? Oh, my...was i wrong!!!!!  Dad replied that it was an honor to be asked...an honor!   Will someone PLEASE tell me when i will stop being such a stupido???   Pretty, pretty, please????  Apologies, profuse apologies followed to Dad, but the damage was already, terribly done. SIGH.   Yep, i am being a super big help here. Someone, call for reinforcements, i am certianly failing. In a huge way.

   (plus, is it super creepy that i have a teeny bit of a crush on their Bishop....annnnd, he gets to got to Israel...?)

         Welll, better go...before i do anymore damage,

                 Loves,

                     tracy