Heh. Maybe i will stay in bed all day tomorrow. At lest 'til my mom comes to see if i m alive or not...(who's betting on the not?) i just HATE myself so badly so much. ANNNNNNND i know why...........................................................i am a loser of the worst kind.i cut my arm tonight. Nothing to jounal about,unfourtaetly............stupid.
i amFAT beyong belief. Yet, still. People still want to se me and i want to hide under my dad's desk, honestly, that's how ashamed i am....FAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT basket case. SHIT.
Seeking an external distraction to the internal pain. I understand *Huggles* Try not to mark up your tattoo canvas too much, ok love?
ReplyDeleteJust the fact that you take time to write me some words means the world to me. It really does! One or two little words when it counts means more than sonnets and essays after the fact.
You are wonderful and so are your comments and I love you.
I used to try putting tea tree oil on a cotton bud for the ear, but it wasn't too effective so I've given up on putting more shit in there, I just gargle warm water to keep the Eustachian Tubes open and wait for it to go away *Sigh* the last time the tubes got blocked my eardrum exploded to ease the pressure. Not fun! Stupid ears.
Hmmm how about you boil the jug and make us some cups of tea and I'll come hide under the desk with you? I'll bring blankets to extend it into a Desk Fort and we'll have a secret password so only people in the Desk Fort Club will be allowed in.
Love you so very very much. Take care and remember to never dig straight down!
http://youtu.be/5BlxRB88DFA
http://youtu.be/ZeoPDH7muFA
Massive hugs and all my love <3
I hope you're okay in the morning Tracy, seriously there's no need to feel so bad, you're awesome and the only thing that tells you other wise is that stupid chatterbox in your mind, the same one I get all the time telling me I'm inadequate, worthless, ugly, too skinny and all these other issues, seriously. I hate that chatterbox more than anything, it's not us, it's not the real us. I hope you feel better in the morning. Blog soon or something so we all know you're alright.
ReplyDeleteJust to turn your thoughts around for a moment I want you to know this...I am a 340lb woman. Would you discredit my worth in life because of my weight. I would not discredit your worth simply because of your weight. I know you are having a real inner turmoil and I do not want to dismiss that but there is another way to perceive life....a life where the intellect of a person is more valuable then the size of their thighs. Be ind to yourself Tracy. xoxo In the Pink
ReplyDeletebe kind to yourself
ReplyDeleteYou never hurt me, angel. <3 <3 <3 NEVER.
ReplyDeleteLove you loads, and hope you feel better!! Be good to yourself--you deserve it.
A song for you--since I can't physically give you flowers, they're here instead:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Qx2lMaMsl8
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo!!!!
....how long are you in Utah? I have a little something to send you and I want you to get it before the middle of the month.....
ReplyDeletei tend to hate myself a lot of the time too, but it's important to try and ignore that part of our effed up minds as much as possible. all it ever does is make us feel awful, and we hate ourselves more and it becomes a vicious cycle...
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about the cutting, please don't hate yourself though, or rather - try to remember that we don't hate you, we love you! and you should love yourself too (and i should follow my own advice, lol!) hugs!
Hey is it cold there? I really want to visit some of the Utah nature stuff...email me.
ReplyDelete