.....you have gained a ton of weight when, among the things your Mom ordered, for you comes a fancy Calorie Counter and Fitness Log and a less fancy set of sheets to fill out for the same reason. i have no words. That i feel appropriate to write, that is! How about Sheeeeeeeeeet!
So, life here in the Gateway to Nevada goes on ....today was kind of an off day for me ...stayed in bed until after 11:30am, while my dilegent Mom went to church at 10:00am....well, we all know who is the Sinner/Slacker in this house!
Don't know what to write ....just so very dissapointed in myself...NO, that is wrong. So ASHAMED of my self...willpower, what the fvck is that, i seem to have buried that with any dreams i may have had. Dead and gone. i HATE the big FAT fatty i have become, however, i know if it ment that much to me, i would obviously DO something. i drink the etoth to forget about what a stupid, ugly Sh#t i am.....then eat, and here is the disgusting result.
And to face another day of me is sickening.
Wow, Mums really know how to fuck you over. Cheers?
ReplyDeleteWill power, I used to know what that was. Except now I'm not sure if it was willpower or obsession or another form of insanity.
No matter how much you hate yourself, I still love you to bits.
Love you to little bits and pieces.
*Hugs*
I don't know why but recently I've been on a real fitness kick that's helped with my self esteem and made me pretty happy these days. It could just be my antidepressants working or a mixture of both. Regardless of whether your weight is that bad or not you have nothing to be ashamed of yourself. You're a wonderful person whatever size you are, you're not actively trying to put on weight so why hate yourself? Like would you really hate a random person who gave it their all and failed if it wasn't for you? You wouldn't so don't feel ashamed Tracy, hope you're okay.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. While a calorie counter is kind of a dick gift, it's like you said, you have to want to get serious about it. Otherwise, it's not worth it to try.
ReplyDeleteIf you should ever want to try, feel free to send us (me) a message. Contrary to my beer guzzling image, I'm a weight lifter, muay thai kickboxer, runner, and P90x graduate... IE a fitness freak. And I'm always happy to offer tips (reasonable ones, not 'go run 20 miles every day and eat a piece of lettuce after).
You are far too hard on yourself, m'love. <3
ReplyDeleteThis morning I got out of bed at 10.30, did not even consider going to Mass, had 2 giant bowls of cereal for breakfast, and I plan on siting on my rear and doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day. We all need off days.
Never be ashamed of yourself. No one is perfect. No one is even close, however they might think they are. Letting our weights, or fear of our own weights rule our lives is no way to live at all, because it has nothing to do with our self-worth.
xoxoxoxo
what Mich said :) <3!!!!!
ReplyDelete